Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
