no, he came in my armpit
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
