Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
