What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
