i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
