I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
