my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
