What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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