We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
