4 words: hood of his car
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
