toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
