Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
