Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
