I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
