did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
