no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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