Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
