hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
