I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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