I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
