He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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