TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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