I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
