How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
