After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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