whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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