I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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