My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
