I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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