I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
