no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize
