When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
