I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
