Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
