i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
