just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
