Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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