This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
this is an emotional support booty call
false alarm, still single
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
