OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
