FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
