I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
