and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
why do cheetos always look like penises
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
