Are we in a gay sports bar?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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