I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
