Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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