Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
