i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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