Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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