Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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