mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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