batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
