Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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