You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
did i walk over a car last night?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
